Finally freeing myself from being a prisoner of love

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Luis is a young man in his early twenties who first came to the Abbey as a child with his mother many years ago. He has begun a series of writings as he searches for the meaning of love. This is the first of the series: others will follow as they become available.

For the past month and a half, I had grown too attached to my friend, but she told me she could not teach me the meaning of love.  At first, I got confused, for I thought I needed her to be the source of my love and peace, but then I realized how foolish I was trying to hopelessly find love externally. 

The real answer for filling the void in my heart was never outside me to begin with, for it has always been inside of me. Just as we love other sentient beings, so too is it very important for us to love ourselves, to care for ourselves, to hug ourselves, to be there for ourselves when we cry. Many people in the world try to hopelessly find love externally without loving and accepting themselves first, and because of that there are a lot of broken hearts out in the world.  

Man on a mountain at sunset, kneeling with palms together.

Love is not something that is to be found outside of ourselves. It is to be found internally and something that can be shared with other people. (Photo by Everst /

Love is not something that is to be found outside of ourselves, it is to be found internally and something that can be shared with other people, and it is something that does not need to be pined for from others, for if we learn to love ourselves, we will always have that warm secure feeling in our hearts that lets us be happy in our skin no matter what people say.  Then having another important person in our lives no longer will need to be something to fill the void and pain in our hearts, but only an optional addition, for having a filled heart already allows us to secure our own inner peace and love that helps quench our desire to be loved and cared for and allow us to be free from that hunger.

I am glad she choose to reject me in this way, for doing that has allowed me to realize that I had to fill my own heart first before truly starting to help others. I have told her that I will now be her friend who will listen to her whenever she needs someone with an open heart to help hear our emotions, but eventually I would like to help her see that she can love herself too, for then she will no longer have to completely depend on me to feel happy, so she herself can be liberated from the darkness in her heart and have her heart filled by her own love. 

I now see that having a filled heart can truly help broken ones eventually learn how to eventually fill themselves. I am glad I met such a great teacher to help me realize and allow me to remember this very important lesson once again. I now see the truth behind those very same words you tried teaching me seven years ago, and I am finally am starting to see the true meaning of it. 

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