I understand that by practicing humility I will gain a sense of peace, but what exactly is humility? For so long I have related humility with humiliation. Often it is hard to admit when I am wrong; it is difficult for me to allow things to be as they are without trying to be in control constantly.
I look at the world and I see myself as the center of it. I function as if I am separate from all the other players. We are all in the script, but I have the lead role. Of course, it is my ego that makes me the star, and it is my ego that keeps me from becoming humble. So, I have to check my ego. I have to understand that my opinions, ideas and beliefs are not the same as the next person’s. I also have to admit that those same opinions, ideas and beliefs can be wrong at times, probably more often than I realize. When I am wrong, I must be willing to admit it. By admitting my error and sincerely apologizing for it, I grow. Instead of alienating myself from others, I connect with them. I become more open-minded.
Of course, sometimes I am right. Sometimes I know best. At those times, it is also important for me to check my self-centered mind. At those times, I may feel justified in my arrogance. When I am wrong and still argue a point, I look fairly stupid. When I am right and try to push my view onto others, I just look like an asshole!
All of this relates to my need to feel important. I want the outside world to understand that “I get it.” At the same time, I am reinforcing that within myself. In reality, sometimes I do get it, and sometimes I don’t have a clue. Sometimes I’m right, and sometimes I need to apologize. When I do apologize, for whatever transgression that I may have committed, it opens me up. It feels good. There is a sense of peace that comes with it. That is more important, more special to me than my ego.