Learning to be ethical

She starts by talking about New Year’s resolutions and how resolution everyone should have is to act more ethically. I know for myself, this is one of the reasons I decided to become a monastic. I looked at my ethical conduct, and I was so hypocritical. I was very critical of corporations who lied and stole and these kind of things, but when I did that, I had some good reason. When I noticed that, it was like, “Ugh.” I needed an ethical tune-up.

In the article she talks about little things people might have done the previous year, like lying at work or not speaking up when someone makes an inappropriate joke. Does that resonate with something maybe you didn’t do that you should have? She then goes on to say that it’s often because we don’t often act the way we think we will when faced with something unethical. We deceive ourselves, huh? 

Alina Tugend gives an example of an experiment done at Northeastern University. People were told there was an easy job and a tedious job, and they had to privately flip a coin to see which one they got. Secretly they were being recorded. [laughter] 

The professor who was running the experiment said only ten percent of them did it honestly. Isn’t that amazing? Only ten percent of them did it honestly. The others didn’t flip the coin at all, or they kept flipping until the coin came up the way they wanted. [laughter] Isn’t that amazing? 

She then goes on to discuss advancements in business ethics and how the focus has shifted away from philosophy, where business ethics came from, and towards understanding the reasons for our behavior. It’s interesting that before, you had philosophy or religion and ethics grew out of them. And as we see, people are cheating when we can, so here, they’re changing the focus to behavioral economics and how people actually act. They’re trying to figure out how to introduce ethical conduct in that context. They’ve realized that people can hear religion and philosophy and totally ignore it, so they are now focused on how do you actually deal with how people behave. A lot of their research is focused on figuring out how to get people to do the right thing.

Should Buddhist practitioners need to be nudged to do the right thing? Is this research something that applies to us? Or, as religious practitioners, should the reason given in the teachings be sufficient to inspire us to be ethical people? Do you understand what I’m asking?  Usually, we’re taught that here’s the result of non virtue and here’s the result of virtue; here’s the result in the present life; here’s the result in a future life—and then you decide what you want to do. 

Audience: Because we examine our minds and do analytical meditation, aren’t we already in the process of seeing the behavioral reasons why we do what we do and changing based on wisdom, our goal?

Venerable Thubten Chodron (VTC): Hopefully through our meditation, we’re seeing what this next paragraph is going to talk about: how we often think one way and act another. And we deceive ourselves. We’re probably somewhat aware of this, maybe not fully—because we don’t want to be fully aware—but we’re somewhat aware that there’s been situations in which we did not do something we feel good about doing. In some of those situations then, we apply the four opponent powers and we purify, and then there’s some of them that we shove under the rug and make up some kind of motivation or explanation for them. We justify it with how what we did was the best thing to do, and if we had acted ethically, spoken up or whatever, then something really bad would have happened.

It’s like when it comes to the fifth precept about not drinking and drugging, people have so many good reasons why they shouldn’t keep that precept. Or even if they’ve taken the precept, they have reasons for why they should break it. And I’ve heard all of these reasons. If they go to a party where everyone’s drinking or drugging and they say, “I don’t do that,” then everybody will get a very bad impression of Buddhism. [laughter] And they’ll think that Buddhists are just prudes who have no fun. So, out of compassion, in order to connect to all these people who are drinking and drugging and not create a barrier with them, they drink and drug. [laughter] You see, it really isn’t unethical to break your precept, right? How many of us have used that excuse some time in the past before we ordained?

I’ve hard that so many times I can’t tell you. “It’s out of compassion, so these people don’t generate negative karma by criticizing Buddhism.” Right…

So, hopefully, out of our practice, we’re learning to become more honest with ourselves; however, this is definitely a work in progress, isn’t it? I don’t know about you, but I often find that I’ll do something, and I won’t feel completely good about it, but I’ll justify it. And it’s only several years later that I’m actually able to be honest about what my motivation was. Has that happened to any of you?

It’s like one day, several years later, that incident will pop into my mind, and I’ll think, “Oh…that was my motivation. That’s why, despite all my rationalizations, I never felt completely comfortable inside.” So then, once I own up to my rotten motivation, I feel much more comfortable inside, because of the honesty. And then I do some purification. 

You would think that maybe this research shouldn’t apply to Buddhist practitioners because we should be so deeply inspired by all of the teachings that we follow them perfectly, but when you hear sometimes about the scandals that go on, then you realize that not everybody takes the teachings in a serious way. And we don’t want to be one of the people who don’t take them in a serious way, but we’re never one hundred percent assured that we’re not. If we’re sweeping something under the rug, we’re not going to admit it. [laughter] We’re going to say, “I did it because of this great reason.” 

Audience: We might also think of it like a video camera. We might think “The Buddha can see what I’m doing,” or “My teacher can see what I’m doing.” They are clairvoyant, so they can see. Or we might worry about rebirth in the lower realms or something, so there are things that are not exactly the logic of the teachings but can still kind of help us in another way. 

VTC: So, thinking things like the Buddha or our teacher may be seeing us or worrying that we’ll go to the lower realms, those can be reasons—maybe not logical reasons, but reasons—and those things are given as good reasons in the scriptures. But sometimes we overlook those, too, don’t we? “The Buddha can see me do this, so I explain to the Buddha why it’s really good that I lie in this situation.” [laughter] 

Audience: It also brings to mind the depth of the self-grasping. Even in robes, even keeping precepts, even being taught, even studying, practicing and meditating on the Dharma—the self-grasping and self-centered thought are so strong that it’s always there. It’s like you can’t put  your guard down. It’s just the depth of the self-importance and the feeling of “all about me.” It’s so strong.

VTC: And what is feeding that? What specific thing is feeding our inability to see clearly? First of all it’s ignorance and self-grasping, self-centeredness—undoubtedly. But what are we saying to ourselves that justifies this? 

Audience: [Inaudible]

VTC: Yeah: “It’s going to bring me happiness now and Buddha said to be happy.” “I believe in karma but not today.” [laughter] “I’ve seen other people do it who are practitioners.” That’s a good one, isn’t it? I’ve seen other people do that who are supposed ot be good practiitoners, so it must be okay to do it. Also, underneath all that, is the feeling of “I don’t want to stick out.” It’s like if somebody tells a racist joke: “I don’t want to be the person who stops it and says that’s not appropriate.” Because then other people may not like me. That attachment to being liked, to fitting in, it’s amazing. Parents always tell their kids not to be influenced by peer pressure, but that’s really the way most people function. We’re very influenced by peer pressure.

That’s one benefit of staying in a monastery because here our peer pressure is going to be different. And if you don’t own up, people are going to help you in that respect. [laughter] But outside, and even here in community sometimes, even if everyone is trying to be ethical, there’s still this thing of, “What’s the mood of the group right now?” It’s so prominent, and our wish to fit in and not get criticized is so strong that we’ll do all sorts of things 

Audience: I was also raised thinking it’s not kind to say something. Or it’s like we need to check things out first.

VTC: Sometimes it’s that, too: it’s not the right time to bring it out; you have to let some things happen. Or you need to seek more wisdom before speaking. Definitely.

Audience: Rather than “the Buddha is watching me,” I tend to think I’m trying to work on my own mind, and I’m seeing it. So, I try to tell myself I can’t do something and hide it from myself so easily. But there is that element of not being aware of your actions, not being aware or understanding your motivation. I try to keep in mind that I shouldn’t do that, and to stay aware of that.

VTC: Or, like you said, with idle talk, we may not notice it at the time. We may notice it later, but then we don’t really seriously confess it and make a determination not to do it again. It’s just, “Okay, I should be more careful later on.” [laughter] 

Audience: The experiment you were talking about reminded me of a study they did in an elementary school where they had children throw darts and they had to stand behind the line, but there was no one in the room. They threw the dart and then someone came in to see how they did. And they did that and many of the children cheated. Then the researchers said, “Okay, there’s an imaginary princess that’s sitting in this chair watching you, so be sure not to cheat.” [laughter] And many more children didn’t cheat in that instance. It’s sort of like, “God is watching you,” or “Buddha is watching you.”

VTC: Or even projecting your own conscience outside as an external witness watching yourself; that definitely helps. We’re very externally oriented, aren’t we? But, whatever tool works to help us, we have to use it. 

Audience: [inaudible]

VTC:  It’s very true. People are at different levels of their practice, and so some reasons to abandon negativity will work with some people, but they may not work so well with other people. We have to learn all of them and then see which ones work well with us. We have to determine what kind of reason to use. 

Another thing in thinking why aren’t we forthright, and why don’t we keep good ethical conduct, or why do we rationalize things that aren’t so good, is something that came up a lot in discussions during the Young Adults Explore Buddhism program. It’s that we’re very afraid of other people judging us. So, for example, if you’re given a task and you don’t think you’re going to do so well on it, and you think people are going to look down on you, then you cheat so that you’ll look better in their eyes. Otherwise, they may judge you and think you’re stupid or whatever. Again, this is attachment to what other people think, to reputation, and of course that may interfere with our meeting whatever it is we want. It interferes with that, too.

It’s this whole thing about needing a safe space in order to be ethical, so that we aren’t afraid that we’re going to get judged—either because we’ve done something unethical or because we’re not going to be able to keep some standard that we think other people will think poorly of us for not keeping. Like you have to sell so many products, you have to arrest so many people, you have to do this and that, and then you come up with all sorts of things to fulfill those requirements so that you avoid criticism and people thinking poorly of you.

It’s interesting to see all those things and how much of it is tied to “I think they think this of me.” “I superimpose what other people are going to think of me on them and then act according to what I think they think I should do.” This whole thing keep coming up, doesn’t it? It drives us slightly crazy, and again, one thing that we’re trying to create here in a community is a safe space where people can admit that stuff. When we talk about being transparent, I think that’s a big aspect of transparency. It’s like, “Okay, this is what I’m thinking. This is what I did.” You feel okay saying it because you know that everyone else isn’t going to jump on your and criticize you, because they are all working on themselves, and they know how hard it is to hold your integrity. That’s an important piece of the puzzle, isn’t it?

It’s interesting how even at a young age you can see this. As children, our motivation probably starts with “I’ll get what I want,” but later so much comes in about what other people think of us and, “Are they going to criticize me?” And then it progresses to the third step of trashing ourselves. That may figure into that, too. We are so hard on ourselves when we don’t meet our own super high standards that a lot of the rationalization and justification may be an endeavor to shut up our own inner critic.