Working with doubt
Zopa Herron 
Fear, Anxiety, and Other Emotions 
Feb 7, 2011 
When kleshas come, just let them dance before you. (Photo by Mary Harrsch)
I want to share a good insight I have had on the White Tara retreat. Last week, suddenly, during a session I was just swamped with DOUBT—it felt like a huge wave. At least I could name it and recognize it, but it was filling my mind. I remembered a direction from Geshe Kalsang Damdul, "When kleshas come, just let them dance before you. Don’t get hooked, but just let them dance." So I decided to kind of relax and let DOUBT say what it wanted and it went on and on about tantra. About it being superstitious, only Tibetan culture, non-scientific, not true, made up, too difficult, not necessary, etc., etc. … it was quite a long lecture. And I listened, but didn’t believe it.
It was like listening to a closing argument by one side in a law case, and then waiting to hear the other side. So, when that "voice of doubt" quieted down, a very clear question arose: "Why am I doing this practice? I don’t have to … I can stop, I can do something else." And the answer came, "The finest humans I have met in 63 years, who live by the values I cherish, all recommend this path. They all practice this path: His Holiness the Dalai Lama, my own teachers, and all the wonderful lamas and geshes practice this path."
So that was it—the doubt just went away. And then, seemingly without a conscious thought about it, I found myself thinking about Lama Yeshe and began re-reading Introduction to Tantra. It is marvelous. It seems brand new. This doubt pushed me to seek out Lama.
How wonderful. I have been so happy hearing Lama through the book. Really happy. I’m thankful for this wonderful opportunity the retreat provides to look at the mind and experience transformation.
Zopa Herron
Karma Zopa began to focus on the Dharma in 1993 through Kagyu Changchub Chuling in Portland, Oregon. She was a mediator and adjunct professor teaching Conflict Resolution. From 1994 onward, she attended at least 2 Buddhist retreats per year. Reading widely in the Dharma, she met Venerable Thubten Chodron in 1994 at Cloud Mountain Retreat Center and has followed her ever since. In 1999, Zopa took Refuge and the 5 precepts from Geshe Kalsang Damdul and from Lama Michael Conklin, receiving the precept name, Karma Zopa Hlamo. In 2000, she took Refuge precepts with Ven Chodron and received the Bodhisattva vows the next year. For several years, as Sravasti Abbey was established, she served as co-chair of Friends of Sravasti Abbey. Zopa has been fortunate to hear teachings from His Holiness the Dalai Lama, Geshe Lhundup Sopa, Lama Zopa Rinpoche, Geshe Jampa Tegchok, Khensur Wangdak, Venerable Thubten Chodron, Yangsi Rinpoche, Geshe Kalsang Damdul, Dagmo Kusho and others. From 1975-2008, she engaged in social services in Portland in a number of roles: as a lawyer for people with low incomes, an instructor in law and conflict resolution, a family mediator, a cross-cultural consultant with Tools for Diversity and a coach for executive directors of non-profits. In 2008, Zopa moved to Sravasti Abbey for a six-month trial living period and she has remained ever since, to serve the Dharma. Shortly thereafter, she began using her refuge name, Karma Zopa. In May 24, 2009, Zopa took the 8 anagarika precepts for life, as a lay person offering service in the Abbey office, kitchen, gardens and buildings. In March 2013, Zopa joined KCC at Ser Cho Osel Ling for a one year retreat. She is now in Portland, exploring how to best support the Dharma, with plans to return to Sravasti for a time.
